Local Fucking Jack Off Little Fat Bitch Jason Assplug was recently wed to transsexual Amanda Hugenkiss.
“Duuuuhhhh!!!! I like da trump!! Duuuhh!!! You can’t spell Amanda without ‘A MAN’!!
When reached for comment Assplug said “DUHHHHH!!! I like to fuck da children!!!!”
If anyone has lube has erases DNA traces I could sure use it LOL!!! Call me at (404) 713-3555!!! GO NAMBLA!!
Mystery solved. For now.
WHAT A REDNECK FAGGOT HAHAHAHA!!! EAT COCKS SHITHEAD!!!
Pansy ass and renowned raving cock gobbler Roberta ‘Little Bitch’ Wilson announced today his intent to get a giant wooden asshole transplant to stop years of asshole erosion from proceeding. I knock on the door to his disgusting hovel and he answers inexplicably with an upside down hi-hat between his teeth and holding a dildo in his pink gloved appendage. After questioning my life choices and declining to shake hands I remain standing so as not to stick to anything. I ask him why he would consider replacing his asshole with a huge wooden ring.
Wow. No.
He puts the hi-hat down in favor of a pink negligee which he dons before continuing, “I just can’t stop ramming bigger and bigger cocks up my ass!! All this cock ramming has made my asshole bigger and bigger, it’s the size of a truck tire now and I just don’t know where it’s going to stop!!”
At this point in the interview Wilson begins sobbing like a little girl, snot and tears stream from his stupid ugly face, and into his long greasy little girl hair. I look around for something to hit him with while I question my decision to become a journalist.
Finally, I find a newly purchased three foot dildo mercifully still in its wrapper.
Creepy 3 Foot Japanese Dildo
WHACK!!
He grabs a furry mass disturbingly labeled ‘KRYING&KUM BLANKY’, blows his nose, cries some more, and continues, “If my asshole gets any bigger I won’t have time to cry, gobble dick, or jack off all over my Trump trading cards!” Suddenly, Wilson spins around, bends over, and lifts his dress to reveal his cavernous sausage hallway. I immediately vomit.
Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter!
“Don’t pretend it’s not getting you hot! Do you have any idea have many thousands of penises have battered the sides of this thing?! Think of the final battle scene from The Lord of the Rings, then triple it!” I continue to be physically ill, as much from the horrible pun as the imagery just forced upon my already reeling psyche. I stumble toward the door, careening into a 50-gallon drum hastily labeled ‘XTRAA KUM!’ and knocking it over. “Aaaaagghhh!! My breakfast!!” Roberta screamed as I made a final bid for freedom.
Leaving the screaming crying monster in my wake I crawl toward my car while a truck pulls up labeled ‘Giant Wooden Hoop Warehouse’. God speed gentlemen. God speed.
The lead singer of Inexcusably bad ska band ‘Be Best!‘ Donald Trump declared a national emergency Thursday after seeing the band’s latest record sales numbers.
“Folks, ‘Be Best!’, have you heard about ‘Be Best!’? Have you heard about this?! We are obviously the most amazing band in the history of ever, THAT I can tell you. The Liberal Media obviously has a Deep State campaign to hold this amazing, it’s amazing folks, you wouldn’t believe it, band back to further their communist agenda to turn the USA… “
[Upon hearing ‘USA’ the crowd of sleeping fucktards springs to life ‘USA! USA! USA!’]
“There are my retar… errr PEOPLE! God I love stupid people! I can call you stupid right to your face and you’ll just take it right you fucking dummies?!
[‘Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!’]
“You know folks, MANY PEOPLE ARE SAYING, that Crooked Hillary has even taken time away from running her child pizzeria sex ring to destroy what is quite frankly the most incredible band in history. She is hell bent on stopping our album ‘Wall of SKA!’ from going Double Trumpium! That’s right folks Trumpium! My people tell me that’s the metal produced when you take moldy cheese, dog shit, and tin, put it in a used diaper, and scream lies at it. It’s IN-CRED-I-BLE, folks, it’s just incredible.”
The Controversial Formula for ‘Trumpium’
“86% of the people in some survey I think I heard about said we were WAY better than The Beatles, and 58% said the Beatles couldn’t even hold my sausage guitar! That’s 189% of people that love, LOVE FOLKS, ‘Be Best!’ ”
Trump went on the say that each taxpayer would be required to purchase a copy of his terrible, terrible album ‘Wall of SKA’ to ‘avoid becoming Venezuela’.
It seems that the drama surrounding the horribly unsuccessful Ska band ‘Be Best!’ shows no signs of waning as a new love interest threatens to drive a wedge between incredibly stupid, and sausage obsessed lead singer Donald Trump and the rest of the band.
Be Best! Stupid Bassist Jack Wype, pictured with Stupid Bass
When asked about the controversy, Stupid Bassist Jack Wype weighed in, “All they do is lie around in bed and eat sausages and Big Macs. It’s pretty gross. I mean, seeing those pasty losers with their shirts off is one thing, but adding a gallon of sausage grease to that vile equation is something else entirely.”
Holy Mary, Mother of God, NO.
Since Trump brought his lover Mike ‘Yoko’ Pence into the studio there has been increased tension as it appears that Pence only encourages Trumps sausage addiction, buying him guitar after guitar with sausage necks. “What an asshole,” remarked drummer Dypp Schitt, “not only did ‘Yoko’ have his creepy shit eating face screened onto the sausages, he had them paint ghoulish Jebus pictures on the guitars as well. Fuck that guy.”
Please make it stop.
“Oh, they are SO over reacting,” said Yoko, “The Jebus pictures are for divine inspiration! And the pictures of me on the sausages is so Trump Wumpy can have one more way way to eat me!”
Members of the Ska band Be Best! have come forward to shed light on their beleaguered front man Donald Trump. In recent weeks his behavior on stage has become more and more erratic.
When asked about his embattled lead singer, Be Best! drummer Dypp Schitt said, “It’s the sausages maaaaaaaan, he won’t lay off the sausage. It’s like, tearing us apart or something. What?”
Trump, who now refuses to answer to any other title than ‘Sausage Gobbling Individual #1’ downplayed the hype. “Fake sausage news!! Everyone BUT me wants sausages in, and around their mouths! And even if I did eat sausages I could stop whenever I want!”
When informed that his guitar neck was quite clearly a sausage S.G.I.#1 became enraged and began to furiously eat the top of his instrument, presumably to get rid of the evidence, all the while yelling sausage muffled cries of ‘SAD!! SAD!!’ for all to hear.
Mmmmmmmmm, Street Shit!!!
Listen up Libtards!! If you think for one second I’m going to stop eating giant piles of shit just to make you bleeding heart losers happy, then you’ve got another dump coming.
I fucking LOVE eating shit. I know some of you are saying, but Tucker, what about all the people that can’t afford a nice hot corn riddled toilet dragon to cram down their throat, what about THEM? Fuck those losers! Get jobs you lazy pricks!
Until then, I’m going to be hiding out in outhouses, letting random strangers shit directly into my big fat mouth! I hope some of it’s ‘soft serve’!!
Duuuhhhh!!! My boyfriend hits my brain stem with his giant dick about 486 times per hour, it’s a wonder I can breathe let alone swallow! But BOY can I swallow! I can do lots of things! Check me out tying my shoes!! Just like someone who is not completely retarded!! Duuuhhhh!!!
He’s bruising my poor forehead with his giant cock!
Please help!! My boyfriend can’t get enough of my ass!! He fucks me all day long, and even though at this point my asshole looks like a worn out truck tire, he won’t stop!!
As you can see I’ve taken the precaution of cutting off his pubes and gluing them to my stupid head to ward him off but he just calls me a little pussy bitch and smacks my forehead with his dick, flips me over and pounds away!!!
I mean, I wear nail polish like a fucking girl, and take pictures with little balloons like a cock gobbling bitch but I deserve just as much respect as any other little girl with chicken legs!
Wait! He just arrived with flowers and a new ball gag! I’m the happiest girl in the world!
BYYEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hiiiiiiii BOYS!!! I’m RICH THE FAGGOTY CUM GUZZLING BITCH BOY!!! I KNOW it’s a faggoty little bitch name!!! Do YOU love CUM??? I DOOOOOOO!!!! I love huge loads of cum down my throat, in my face and dripping off my nose! I’m a disgusting fucking pig! I sure hope I get cancer! I sure hope no one on facebook tracks me down and caves in my fat stupid head with a bat! Fingers crossed!
youpeopledonotimpressme 