I love huge loads of NBA cum down my throat, in my face and dripping off my nose! I’m a disgusting fucking pig! I sure hope I get cancer! I sure hope no one on facebook tracks me down and caves in my fat stupid head with a bat! Fingers crossed!
“Uh! Uh! Uh! Aaaaaaaggghhhh!!!” ~ Boyfriend Of Area Fucking Cunt While Blowing Copious Loads into the Chin Cum Catcher
“Look, I need this cum catcher beard to catch all the cum I can get!” said the stupid fucking cunt. I don’t have a lot of time because my church makes us all fuck at least 8 little boys a week! I’m always Church Idiot Believer of the Month because no little boy is safe when I’m around!
*Names changed to protect a redneck fucking cunt
Hey everyone! My name is Smurtis Schmesly and I am a stupid redneck fucking cunt! I just wanted to come out of the closet and say that not only do I LOVE man ass but i REALLY LOVE little boy ass!! Woohoo! C’mere you, get them clothes off boy!
Boy I’ll tell you what! I sure am a stupid motherfucker! When I’m not eating paint chips I’m eating giant cocks! And when I’m not pumping little boys full of spooge, I’m wrapping this piece of shit Chihuahua in duct tape and goin to town! Hoo wee!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Aaaaaaaggghhhh!!!
Hello Ladies! Meet part time woman beater and full time fucking asshole, super duper dream boat Erik Leon Wright! Feel free to peruse his various charges below including everything from illegal weapons possession to laying a good old fashioned beat down on defenseless women. Pregnant women.
He looks nothing like the stupid douche bag you would imagine! Oh. Wait. Never mind.
PS. Erik, you and your tiny, tiny dick and balls can fuck right off you little bitch! Haha!!!
Here are some of the things that Erik likes to send to women he’s never met! Things like ‘Can I show you my tiny dick and balls?’ and ‘Have you ever been with a roided out loser with pansy pussy tattoos and a micro-penis?’
Now listen here you liberal butt heads! I love me some ‘Murica! The land where a stupid, bald loser with a pussy ass single engine piece of shit can get some little boy ass! Woooo!! Hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to get some hot little boy action goin on! er… never mind! Woooo!
Look, writin aint my favoritest thing but it seems I got some time on my hands seein as I been locked up in a jail cell that the commie police threw me in. I thought this was ‘Murica! Apparently it’s now ‘illegal’ to kidnap the next door neighbor’s 8 year old kid and play oiled up naked twister with him in my Cessna Shitbucket 3000. Thanks Obama!
I’m a Squinty Eyed Little Bitch!
Andy ‘Takes it in the’ Enderson* – Squinty Eyed Little Bitch
Listen idiots, I am one Squinty Eyed Little Bitch! When I’m not crying my squinty little eyes out about Esquire articles and how unfair they are to my hero Cheeto Hitler, you can be sure to find me crying like a little bitch about how there aren’t enough articles about socks!
God I’m Such a Stupid Squinty Eyed Cunt
When I’m not making man on man Mormon porn (which honestly is not much of the time lol!) you can be sure to find me jerking off into a Trump t-shirt with some pissed off eagle on it or something because ‘Murica!! Gotta go, Jebus just told me to change my religion listed on Facebook to ‘On My Knees to Please’ Yes Jebus! I’m ‘Coming’!
I’m a Giant Foreheaded Fuck Bag!
Please Donate to the GiantForeheadFuckbagitis Foundation!
Living with a stupid giant forehead isn’t easy you know. Sure it’s great for catching loads and loads of Mormon man goo in my many many films making it way easier to scrape off and gobble down, but it was not an easy childhood! Growing up with my family of 28 kids along with my dad and his 8 wives I dreaded dad yelling out those accursed words: Movie Night! he would yell and that would be the cue for whoever was closest to me to secure me against the nearest tree so that they could screen some horseshit about Joseph Smith on my huge forehead. That’s how I got to be such a squinty little bitch!
Thanks E-Harmony Giant Forehead Division!
Luckily I found out about E-Harmony’s Giant Forehead section so I could finally meet another giant foreheaded idiot and start pumping out giant foreheaded idiot kids! I’d love to stay and chat some more but this huge forehead isn’t going to jizz all over itself! Byyyyyeeeeeeeee!
*Names changed to protect giant foreheaded squinty eyed little cunts
Now listen here you liberal butt heads! I love me some ‘Murica! The land where a fat, stupid, hairy loser with DD cup man tits has opportunity. Hopefully the opportunity to get some hot lady boy action goin on! er… never mind! C’mon ladies, I ain’t squeezin these hairy fun bags together for nuthin! You know yer just achin to get these $6 mom jeans off me and get all up in my whopping one inch fun palace! Woooo!
Look, writin aint my favoritest thing but it seems I got some time on my hands seein as I been locked up in a jail cell that the commie police threw me in. I thought this was ‘Murica! Apparently it’s now ‘illegal’ to kidnap the next door neighbor’s 8 year old kid and play oiled up naked twister with him in my basement dungeon. Thanks Obama!
Looks like in the future I’ll have to keep my ‘fun’ to the Candy Van he he. Although those commie bastard POlice did seem pretty interested in it when they hauled me away. Using their big book learnin words like ‘DMA testing’ whatever the hell that is, and ‘get the camaver dogs’. I aint never heard of no ‘camaver dogs’. Say, do they like peanut butter?!
I just met with the free lawyer. He was wearing last years mom jeans! What a loser! Anyway he said he might be able to get me off so I took out my tiny, mangled penis and he freaked and ran out screaming. He came back 10 minutes later saying something about the nightmares and never being the same. Anyway he said cus I’m ‘half fucktarded’ they might send me to a hospital instead of jail! I sure hope he’s right because I’ve been hoping they can chop off my head and sew it to my hip so I can blow myself all day! I even made a picture for the surgeons to help them!
I showed it to my lawyer and he said that it was pathetically exaggerated, and that they would actually have to sew my head directly to my crotch face first or my dick would never reach! Oh well, it looks like the men are here to take me away, I sure hope they have camaver dogs and peanut butter!