Lance P. Diddlebugwell III
Now look here! If there’s two things I know about in this God forsaken world it’s boat houses and Mary Forbes’ bacteria ridden vajayjay! It was June 1986 when I was at the summer house with father, and a young yet worn Mary Forbes was making her way around the town earning 6 cents a throw from any and all ‘comers’. Do you see what I did there?! Now don’t go writing her off as a cheap tramp; that 6 cents is worth 27 cents today! Where was I… ah yes, the slutty pig. Well I availed myself of her numerous times that summer. I really gave her the right and proper business, why I must have given her over a dollar!
Years later, I would learn of a fellow named Pavlov and his dog. Long story short, I can’t walk into a musty boathouse without achieving a massive gut wrenching erection while feverishly rummaging my pockets for 6 cents.
Blazy T. McGigglepants
Whoaaaaaaa, hey maaaan! Whoooooo man? That Mary Forbes chick? Sure man, she used to clean the dead bodies at my dad’s funeral home! That bitch was crazy man! Man, if she wasn’t rolling around in dead body poop, she was fucking dead babies! What a hoot! I guess my dad didn’t fire her because of all those toothless blow jobs she gave him and anyone else who walked within 350 feet of the place man! What? What did her stink crevice smell like man? Duuuude, it was heinous! I guess it was pretty diseased man, ’cause that bitch was always rubbing it on the pillows from the baby coffins. Fuck you boathouse guy! Baby coffin! Boom!
So what does her cunt smell like? A baby coffin in a mildewy boathouse of course.