Point! Counterpoint! I Am a Stupid Cum Guzzling Midget Gay Bear Fuck Bag! vs. I Am a Stupid Cum Guzzling Midget Gay Bear Fuck Bag!


Cuddles the Super Gay Bear

Listen buddy, you better fuck off! There’s only room for one Stupid Cum Guzzling Midget Gay Bear Fuck Bag around here and it’s fucking ME! Look at me asshole! I’m a BEAR. Not some stupid douche nozzle that’s just so fucking disgustingly hairy that people have no choice to make the comparison. While we’re on the subject, what the fuck is up with that anyway?! I have soft shiny beautiful fur! Not the sweaty child molester pubes that cover your giant tits you block headed fucktard! Look I’ll give you a couple things. You are incredibly stupid, and I will eventually be taller than 4’2” so you kind of have me on the midget thing . You are also WAY gayer than me, a gigantic Fuck Bag, and I applaud your legendary gum guzzling skills.  But am I gay? Do I shit in the woods?! Hellz to the Ya!


Some Hairy Asspumper

Duuhhh, Da man said there was gonna be cum to guzzle so that’s why I’m here! Fuck! Does anyone have a da phone books or da milk carton I can stand on so I can reach your belt buckles? I got a big square shaped head so youz can rest your beers there while I does da licking! The Lord has put me on da Earth to be the biggest jizz slurping fuck bag that I can! I like da Jesus! He is in my dreams at night teaching me to blow real good! He looks a lot like my Dad and says funny things like, “If you tell anyone I’ll bash your stupid blockhead in you retarded douchebag!” before playfully skull fucking me til da blackness comes!

*Names have been changed to protect the fat, stupid, inbred and fucktarded.


Point! Counterpoint! Ole Clyde and I Sure Have Some Good Times! vs. Stop Fucking Me You Crazy Redneck!


Stupid Redneck Fuck

Charry Boom* – Inbred Fucktard

Boy, I tell you what! Ole Clyde and I sure have some good times! Why he just loves it when I bring home another case of Peter Pan Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter. He knows what’s on the way! The excited whimpering starts almost immediately and he usually gets so excited that he just starts running as fast as he can! When I finally track him down he’s all tuckered out and ready for fun! He especially loves Saturday’s cus that’s Steak Day! Sometimes he starts running on Friday! Decorum prevents me from going into detail regarding Steak Day but I can tell you it involves a telephone, some Tabasco Sauce, and my well traveled anus.


In happier days

Clyde the Doberman

For the love all that is holy and otherwise, stop fucking me you crazy redneck! Between that asshole’s peanut butter parties and fucking Steak Day, life is not being very kind to ‘Ole Clyde’ these days. You know, he may look like a fat, stupid redneck that no woman would come near with a barge pole, but he can move pretty quickly when he wants him some Clyde! He’s got one brain cell and it’s just my luck that it’s programmed to track my ass. And my mouth. Fuck. If I see one more jar of fucking peanut butter I’m going to lose my shit. I would have already lost it if he didn’t spend half his time pounding Fabio the cat. And don’t even get poor Fabio started on ‘Tuna Day’.


Me, overcome by shame #fuck

If that fat jackwagon rubs one more ribeye on his nuts and comes at me I’m going to rip them off. I shouldn’t be surprised, this fucking retard is in Minnesota, the state that brought you the wisdom of Michele Bachman. He makes her look like Stephen Hawking. Maybe I’ll go live with her, sure the peanut butter wouldn’t change but at least I wouldn’t have to endure Steak Day. Who the fuck am I kidding, 10:1 that bitch has a strap on. Fuck! #SaveClyde!

*Names have been changed to protect the fat, stupid, inbred and fucktarded.

Area Elephant Baby Addresses Sex Tape Allegations: “So What if I Fuck My Dad?! Aaaaagggghh!! Fuck You!!”



You pricks! How DARE you judge me! I mean, who among us can say that they haven’t fucked their Dad? And the entire Tottenshit FuckSpurs squad. At the same time. And filmed it. I know I have… what?! Fuck you buddy! What’s WHAT? On my chin?

[rubs ugly fucking face coming up with a handful of jizz]

God damn it Dad! I said not the face! Not the fucking face! God damn it, you listen about as well as I turn down a bag of dicks! FUCK!

I suppose I should address these allegations. First off, yes you can clearly see that it is in fact my father being brutally sodomized by the Tottenshit Fuckspurs, and many of their fans. But we all know that isn’t news to anyone. They’ve been pounding him like yesterday’s beef for years. I don’t even know why they bother anymore, at this point his ass is like a tube of circus peanuts!

As for the baby in the back ground clapping and jerking off three dudes, I admit nothing! There are lots of babies that wear bee keeper masks you fuckers! What? Name two?! Aaaagggghhhh!! Hold that guy!! I’m going to fuck you just like all those guys in that Tottenshit tape!! Aaaaaggghhhh!!

Area Elephant Baby STILL a Fucking Asshole Like His Fucking Ugly Ass Pumping Dad



Alright you fuckers! Now I’m all pissed off! The Tottenham Hotspurs refused to let my fucking ugly Dad and I fuck them because they said we were too fucking ugly. That of course did not stop them from fucking US and dousing us in hot man goo. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t love it, but I just can’t believe they made me wear a fucking burka!! At least they got this shot of it before the entire team befouled me with elephant baby batter!! Ok, confession time. This is actually an ‘after’ shot. I ate all the elephant baby batter! How dare you judge me! Oh the calories! I’m so ashamed!


I’ll let them all violate me again, but I won’t like it! Here is my new favorite facebook page!


Ok, maybe I’ll like it a little. After all, I AM my fucking ugly father’s son!!!

Later fuckers!

Area Elephant Baby is Fucking Asshole Like His Fucking Ugly Dad



Bow down Mortals! I am Elephant Baby and I AM a giant fucking tool like my giant tool Dad! Listen and listen good you fuckers! I don’t have time for this! My Dad is taking me to the new Bath House in town where the Tottenham HotSpurs like to get the old in and out and there is dick to be gobbled, so I just don’t have time for your shit!

Q. What do you  do when your gun has two bullets and you are trapped in a closet with a tiger, a lion, and a Tottenham Spurs fan rabidly trying to swallow your sweaty balls?!

A. Shoot the ball gobbling Tottenham fan! Twice!

Anyone who gets in my extremely gay way will feel the wrath of Laser Eye Elephant Baby!!!! All Hail!!


Point! Counterpoint! I am a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt! vs. I am a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt!


Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt

Listen bitch, you’re really starting to get on my fucking nerves. Let’s straighten this shit out once and for all. If there is a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt around here it’s me. I can’t believe I even have to fight for the title. Look, I kind of see your point. You’re certainly fat. Like Orca fat. There you go! Go to SeaWorld bitch! Go hop in the tank with Shamu and do some fucking tricks. Although they’re more likely to mistake you for a sea cow and eat your chunky ass. That would be hilarious. Fuck off!



Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt

What?! I wasn’t listening! I never listen! I’m a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt! Whatever dude, you’ll never be half the cunt I am, let alone half the fat, stupid wildebeest. And you don’t yap non stop about Jebus and his magic dad all day like I do, and you’re not a fucktarded racist whore like me either.  And I’ve been fucking your wildebeest husband for weeks! Oh snap! Although, even though he has a Pringles can for a cock,  it barely touches the sides of my cavernous stink crevice! He didn’t feel a thing! Not until the family of moles that was living in there started biting his schlong lol! It was hilarious. Fuck off!

Point! Counterpoint! Mary Forbes’ Cunt Smells Like A Mildewy Boathouse vs. Mary Forbes’ Cunt Smells Like A Baby’s Coffin

Lance P. Diddlebugwell III

Now look here! If there’s two things I know about in this God forsaken world it’s boat houses and Mary Forbes’ bacteria ridden vajayjay! It was June 1986 when I was at the summer house with father, and a young yet worn Mary Forbes was making her way around the town earning 6 cents a throw from any and all ‘comers’. Do you see what I did there?! Now don’t go writing her off as a cheap tramp; that 6 cents is worth 27 cents today! Where was I… ah yes, the slutty pig. Well I availed myself of her numerous times that summer. I really gave her the right and proper business, why I must have given her over a dollar!

Years later, I would learn of a fellow named Pavlov and his dog. Long story short, I can’t walk into a musty boathouse without achieving a massive gut wrenching erection while feverishly rummaging my pockets for 6 cents.

Blazy T. McGigglepants

Whoaaaaaaa, hey maaaan! Whoooooo man? That Mary Forbes chick? Sure man, she used to clean the dead bodies at my dad’s funeral home! That bitch was crazy man! Man, if she wasn’t rolling around in dead body poop, she was fucking dead babies! What a hoot! I guess my dad didn’t fire her because of all those toothless blow jobs she gave him and anyone else who walked within 350 feet of the place man! What? What did her stink crevice smell like man? Duuuude, it was heinous! I guess it was pretty diseased man, ’cause that bitch was always rubbing it on the pillows from the baby coffins. Fuck you boathouse guy! Baby coffin! Boom!

So what does her cunt smell like? A baby coffin in a mildewy boathouse of course.