Area Elephant Baby Addresses Sex Tape Allegations: “So What if I Fuck My Dad?! Aaaaagggghh!! Fuck You!!”



You pricks! How DARE you judge me! I mean, who among us can say that they haven’t fucked their Dad? And the entire Tottenshit FuckSpurs squad. At the same time. And filmed it. I know I have… what?! Fuck you buddy! What’s WHAT? On my chin?

[rubs ugly fucking face coming up with a handful of jizz]

God damn it Dad! I said not the face! Not the fucking face! God damn it, you listen about as well as I turn down a bag of dicks! FUCK!

I suppose I should address these allegations. First off, yes you can clearly see that it is in fact my father being brutally sodomized by the Tottenshit Fuckspurs, and many of their fans. But we all know that isn’t news to anyone. They’ve been pounding him like yesterday’s beef for years. I don’t even know why they bother anymore, at this point his ass is like a tube of circus peanuts!

As for the baby in the back ground clapping and jerking off three dudes, I admit nothing! There are lots of babies that wear bee keeper masks you fuckers! What? Name two?! Aaaagggghhhh!! Hold that guy!! I’m going to fuck you just like all those guys in that Tottenshit tape!! Aaaaaggghhhh!!

Area Elephant Baby STILL a Fucking Asshole Like His Fucking Ugly Ass Pumping Dad



Alright you fuckers! Now I’m all pissed off! The Tottenham Hotspurs refused to let my fucking ugly Dad and I fuck them because they said we were too fucking ugly. That of course did not stop them from fucking US and dousing us in hot man goo. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t love it, but I just can’t believe they made me wear a fucking burka!! At least they got this shot of it before the entire team befouled me with elephant baby batter!! Ok, confession time. This is actually an ‘after’ shot. I ate all the elephant baby batter! How dare you judge me! Oh the calories! I’m so ashamed!


I’ll let them all violate me again, but I won’t like it! Here is my new favorite facebook page!

Ok, maybe I’ll like it a little. After all, I AM my fucking ugly father’s son!!!

Later fuckers!

Area Elephant Baby is Fucking Asshole Like His Fucking Ugly Dad



Bow down Mortals! I am Elephant Baby and I AM a giant fucking tool like my giant tool Dad! Listen and listen good you fuckers! I don’t have time for this! My Dad is taking me to the new Bath House in town where the Tottenham HotSpurs like to get the old in and out and there is dick to be gobbled, so I just don’t have time for your shit!

Q. What do you  do when your gun has two bullets and you are trapped in a closet with a tiger, a lion, and a Tottenham Spurs fan rabidly trying to swallow your sweaty balls?!

A. Shoot the ball gobbling Tottenham fan! Twice!

Anyone who gets in my extremely gay way will feel the wrath of Laser Eye Elephant Baby!!!! All Hail!!


Point! Counterpoint! I am a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt! vs. I am a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt!


Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt

Listen bitch, you’re really starting to get on my fucking nerves. Let’s straighten this shit out once and for all. If there is a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt around here it’s me. I can’t believe I even have to fight for the title. Look, I kind of see your point. You’re certainly fat. Like Orca fat. There you go! Go to SeaWorld bitch! Go hop in the tank with Shamu and do some fucking tricks. Although they’re more likely to mistake you for a sea cow and eat your chunky ass. That would be hilarious. Fuck off!



Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt

What?! I wasn’t listening! I never listen! I’m a Fat Stupid Wildebeest Cunt! Whatever dude, you’ll never be half the cunt I am, let alone half the fat, stupid wildebeest. And you don’t yap non stop about Jebus and his magic dad all day like I do, and you’re not a fucktarded racist whore like me either.  And I’ve been fucking your wildebeest husband for weeks! Oh snap! Although, even though he has a Pringles can for a cock,  it barely touches the sides of my cavernous stink crevice! He didn’t feel a thing! Not until the family of moles that was living in there started biting his schlong lol! It was hilarious. Fuck off!

Point! Counterpoint! Mary Forbes’ Cunt Smells Like A Mildewy Boathouse vs. Mary Forbes’ Cunt Smells Like A Baby’s Coffin

Lance P. Diddlebugwell III

Now look here! If there’s two things I know about in this God forsaken world it’s boat houses and Mary Forbes’ bacteria ridden vajayjay! It was June 1986 when I was at the summer house with father, and a young yet worn Mary Forbes was making her way around the town earning 6 cents a throw from any and all ‘comers’. Do you see what I did there?! Now don’t go writing her off as a cheap tramp; that 6 cents is worth 27 cents today! Where was I… ah yes, the slutty pig. Well I availed myself of her numerous times that summer. I really gave her the right and proper business, why I must have given her over a dollar!

Years later, I would learn of a fellow named Pavlov and his dog. Long story short, I can’t walk into a musty boathouse without achieving a massive gut wrenching erection while feverishly rummaging my pockets for 6 cents.

Blazy T. McGigglepants

Whoaaaaaaa, hey maaaan! Whoooooo man? That Mary Forbes chick? Sure man, she used to clean the dead bodies at my dad’s funeral home! That bitch was crazy man! Man, if she wasn’t rolling around in dead body poop, she was fucking dead babies! What a hoot! I guess my dad didn’t fire her because of all those toothless blow jobs she gave him and anyone else who walked within 350 feet of the place man! What? What did her stink crevice smell like man? Duuuude, it was heinous! I guess it was pretty diseased man, ’cause that bitch was always rubbing it on the pillows from the baby coffins. Fuck you boathouse guy! Baby coffin! Boom!

So what does her cunt smell like? A baby coffin in a mildewy boathouse of course.

Jonathan Weston Endicott’s Naked Puzzle Basement!

A friend of mine had the misfortune to run across some three named fucktard on facebook that is so fucking stupid that he can hardly spell. The shocker is that he’s from Kansas. I know folks, I was floored as well. The mere thought that this lack of education emerged from Kansas, or ‘Darwin’s Waiting Room’ as the rest of us know it, is truly astounding.

Here he is ladies! (Yes, this is actually him lol) Probably about to invite some kids into Uncle Jonathan’s Naked Puzzle Basement. You won’t wear a shirt and you’ll cry!

Come on in kids!  Good times!


Fuck You Texas: Creationists Are Fucking Morons.

Really TEXAS?! You’re using STATE FUNDS in public schools to push that stupid creationist fairy tale to kids while discounting the scientific proof of evolution?

FUCK YOU TEXAS.  Right in your Texas sized asshole you country fucks.

A few facts for you morons with a imaginary friend:

I have one word for you fucktards.  DINOSAURS.  You can’t dispute that they existed. And you retards believe that everything was created in six days. Therefore you believe that humans and dinosaurs existed together despite all evidence to the contrary. YOU ARE FUCKING IDIOTS.

DIE PLEASE. You can start with Crypty here!