*Names changed to protect a redneck fucking cunt
I know what yer thinkin! That is one stupid fucking cunt! By the way, this is the last thing a little boy sees before he goes in my trunk! Yee haa!
Hey everyone! My name is Smurtis Schmesly and I am a stupid redneck fucking cunt! I just wanted to come out of the closet and say that not only do I LOVE man ass but i REALLY LOVE little boy ass!! Woohoo! C’mere you, get them clothes off boy!
Mmmmm mmmm mmm! If you think he’s squinting because he’s retarded you’d be right! But he’s also trying to see my tiny redneck pin dick!
Boy I’ll tell you what! I sure am a stupid motherfucker! When I’m not eating paint chips I’m eating giant cocks! And when I’m not pumping little boys full of spooge, I’m wrapping this piece of shit Chihuahua in duct tape and goin to town! Hoo wee!
Someone please help me! This fat back woods country fuck won’t stop fucking me! Luckily his penis is so small even I can hardly feel it, but it’s still humiliating!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Aaaaaaaggghhhh!!!
Hey ladies! Would you like a guy that will beat the living shit out of you like a true gentleman? Well strap in, because here comes No Dick Mcgee!
Nice tattoo Mary!
Hello Ladies! Meet part time woman beater and full time fucking asshole, super duper dream boat Erik Leon Wright! Feel free to peruse his various charges below including everything from illegal weapons possession to laying a good old fashioned beat down on defenseless women. Pregnant women.
He looks nothing like the stupid douche bag you would imagine! Oh. Wait. Never mind.
PS. Erik, you and your tiny, tiny dick and balls can fuck right off you little bitch! Haha!!!
Here are some of the things that Erik likes to send to women he’s never met! Things like ‘Can I show you my tiny dick and balls?’ and ‘Have you ever been with a roided out loser with pansy pussy tattoos and a micro-penis?’
Um, no pencil cock, we don’t want to see it lol
Now listen here you liberal butt heads! I love me some ‘Murica! The land where a stupid, bald loser with a pussy ass single engine piece of shit can get some little boy ass! Woooo!! Hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to get some hot little boy action goin on! er… never mind! Woooo!
Look, writin aint my favoritest thing but it seems I got some time on my hands seein as I been locked up in a jail cell that the commie police threw me in. I thought this was ‘Murica! Apparently it’s now ‘illegal’ to kidnap the next door neighbor’s 8 year old kid and play oiled up naked twister with him in my Cessna Shitbucket 3000. Thanks Obama!
Now listen here you liberal butt heads! I love me some ‘Murica! The land where a fat, stupid, hairy loser with DD cup man tits has opportunity. Hopefully the opportunity to get some hot lady boy action goin on! er… never mind! C’mon ladies, I ain’t squeezin these hairy fun bags together for nuthin! You know yer just achin to get these $6 mom jeans off me and get all up in my whopping one inch fun palace! Woooo!
Look, writin aint my favoritest thing but it seems I got some time on my hands seein as I been locked up in a jail cell that the commie police threw me in. I thought this was ‘Murica! Apparently it’s now ‘illegal’ to kidnap the next door neighbor’s 8 year old kid and play oiled up naked twister with him in my basement dungeon. Thanks Obama!
Looks like in the future I’ll have to keep my ‘fun’ to the Candy Van he he. Although those commie bastard POlice did seem pretty interested in it when they hauled me away. Using their big book learnin words like ‘DMA testing’ whatever the hell that is, and ‘get the camaver dogs’. I aint never heard of no ‘camaver dogs’. Say, do they like peanut butter?!
I just met with the free lawyer. He was wearing last years mom jeans! What a loser! Anyway he said he might be able to get me off so I took out my tiny, mangled penis and he freaked and ran out screaming. He came back 10 minutes later saying something about the nightmares and never being the same. Anyway he said cus I’m ‘half fucktarded’ they might send me to a hospital instead of jail! I sure hope he’s right because I’ve been hoping they can chop off my head and sew it to my hip so I can blow myself all day! I even made a picture for the surgeons to help them!
I showed it to my lawyer and he said that it was pathetically exaggerated, and that they would actually have to sew my head directly to my crotch face first or my dick would never reach! Oh well, it looks like the men are here to take me away, I sure hope they have camaver dogs and peanut butter!
Disgusting Pig, Michelle Lopez
Dr. James P. Mcgillicuddy, Plastic Surgeon
Seriously bitch, get some surgery! Where to fucking start… that’s coincidentally exactly what I, your plastic surgeon, said when I first looked at your stupid moon face. What’s with your gums you horse mouthed nag? Every time I look at you I start glancing around for sugar cubes or an apple to jam in your gob. Well, it looks like we’re also going to need a chin implant the size of a rat trap. I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that to make your giant fivehead look half normal we will have to cut a poncho-esque swath of skin from the middle of it and pull the pieces together like a suitcase that won’t quite close. The good news is that we will have enough skin leftover to tan and make you a nice jacket and handbag. Now get that mask over your face you fugly hog!
William ‘BoBo’ Stiklystapers
*BONG!* Whooooaaaa there missy! Holy shit! Stop hittin’ yerself in the face with that there asphalt covered shovel! My lord, yer face is already a gosh darn bowl of dog vomit without you helpin’ out none! Why look at that there forehead on ye! Stay right there, I’m gonna go get Roscoe and Jeb and we’s gonna show a drive in movie on that bad boy! Hoooooweee! Ya know what, ferget it, the glare off ur retard gums would ruin it for everyone anyhows! *BONG!* I said quit that shovel face poundin ya crazy sow! Is that why ye gots no chin no more? Hey yew kinda look like ma sister! she ain’t no looker neither but I always had the hots for her. C’mere yooooouuuuu!! *BONG!* Holy shit! Yer dentin ma shovel!!
Cuddles the Super Gay Bear
Listen buddy, you better fuck off! There’s only room for one Stupid Cum Guzzling Midget Gay Bear Fuck Bag around here and it’s fucking ME! Look at me asshole! I’m a BEAR. Not some stupid douche nozzle that’s just so fucking disgustingly hairy that people have no choice to make the comparison. While we’re on the subject, what the fuck is up with that anyway?! I have soft shiny beautiful fur! Not the sweaty child molester pubes that cover your giant tits you block headed fucktard! Look I’ll give you a couple things. You are incredibly stupid, and I will eventually be taller than 4’2” so you kind of have me on the midget thing . You are also WAY gayer than me, a gigantic Fuck Bag, and I applaud your legendary gum guzzling skills. But am I gay? Do I shit in the woods?! Hellz to the Ya!
Some Hairy Asspumper
Duuhhh, Da man said there was gonna be cum to guzzle so that’s why I’m here! Fuck! Does anyone have a da phone books or da milk carton I can stand on so I can reach your belt buckles? I got a big square shaped head so youz can rest your beers there while I does da licking! The Lord has put me on da Earth to be the biggest jizz slurping fuck bag that I can! I like da Jesus! He is in my dreams at night teaching me to blow real good! He looks a lot like my Dad and says funny things like, “If you tell anyone I’ll bash your stupid blockhead in you retarded douchebag!” before playfully skull fucking me til da blackness comes!
*Names have been changed to protect the fat, stupid, inbred and fucktarded.
Stupid Redneck Fuck
Charry Boom* – Inbred Fucktard
Boy, I tell you what! Ole Clyde and I sure have some good times! Why he just loves it when I bring home another case of Peter Pan Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter. He knows what’s on the way! The excited whimpering starts almost immediately and he usually gets so excited that he just starts running as fast as he can! When I finally track him down he’s all tuckered out and ready for fun! He especially loves Saturday’s cus that’s Steak Day! Sometimes he starts running on Friday! Decorum prevents me from going into detail regarding Steak Day but I can tell you it involves a telephone, some Tabasco Sauce, and my well traveled anus.
In happier days
Clyde the Doberman
For the love all that is holy and otherwise, stop fucking me you crazy redneck! Between that asshole’s peanut butter parties and fucking Steak Day, life is not being very kind to ‘Ole Clyde’ these days. You know, he may look like a fat, stupid redneck that no woman would come near with a barge pole, but he can move pretty quickly when he wants him some Clyde! He’s got one brain cell and it’s just my luck that it’s programmed to track my ass. And my mouth. Fuck. If I see one more jar of fucking peanut butter I’m going to lose my shit. I would have already lost it if he didn’t spend half his time pounding Fabio the cat. And don’t even get poor Fabio started on ‘Tuna Day’.
Me, overcome by shame #fuck
If that fat jackwagon rubs one more ribeye on his nuts and comes at me I’m going to rip them off. I shouldn’t be surprised, this fucking retard is in Minnesota, the state that brought you the wisdom of Michele Bachman. He makes her look like Stephen Hawking. Maybe I’ll go live with her, sure the peanut butter wouldn’t change but at least I wouldn’t have to endure Steak Day. Who the fuck am I kidding, 10:1 that bitch has a strap on. Fuck! #SaveClyde!
*Names have been changed to protect the fat, stupid, inbred and fucktarded.