Now listen here you liberal butt heads! I love me some ‘Murica! The land where a fat, stupid, hairy loser with DD cup man tits has opportunity. Hopefully the opportunity to get some hot lady boy action goin on! er… never mind! C’mon ladies, I ain’t squeezin these hairy fun bags together for nuthin! You know yer just achin to get these $6 mom jeans off me and get all up in my whopping one inch fun palace! Woooo!
Look, writin aint my favoritest thing but it seems I got some time on my hands seein as I been locked up in a jail cell that the commie police threw me in. I thought this was ‘Murica! Apparently it’s now ‘illegal’ to kidnap the next door neighbor’s 8 year old kid and play oiled up naked twister with him in my basement dungeon. Thanks Obama!
Looks like in the future I’ll have to keep my ‘fun’ to the Candy Van he he. Although those commie bastard POlice did seem pretty interested in it when they hauled me away. Using their big book learnin words like ‘DMA testing’ whatever the hell that is, and ‘get the camaver dogs’. I aint never heard of no ‘camaver dogs’. Say, do they like peanut butter?!
I just met with the free lawyer. He was wearing last years mom jeans! What a loser! Anyway he said he might be able to get me off so I took out my tiny, mangled penis and he freaked and ran out screaming. He came back 10 minutes later saying something about the nightmares and never being the same. Anyway he said cus I’m ‘half fucktarded’ they might send me to a hospital instead of jail! I sure hope he’s right because I’ve been hoping they can chop off my head and sew it to my hip so I can blow myself all day! I even made a picture for the surgeons to help them!
I showed it to my lawyer and he said that it was pathetically exaggerated, and that they would actually have to sew my head directly to my crotch face first or my dick would never reach! Oh well, it looks like the men are here to take me away, I sure hope they have camaver dogs and peanut butter!